Posted in Uncategorized

A year after loss. 

One year ago today! 


Now a year later I headed to the lab where I donated 10 vials of blood and a urine sample, the last of a series of work-ups we have been enduring for the last few months. Still on this journey, waiting and hoping, but mostly feeling defeated. 


But then… (and I can’t even make this up) as I loaded my blood deficient body into the car to leave the lab, my Michael Franti CD instantly broke out into chanting these words…  “Don’t let it go… when the rain falls down you know the flowers gonna bloom, and when the hard times come you know the teachers in the room so have a little faith in me, have a little faith in you, don’t let it go!” 

I have never really listened to this CD before, it’s my least favourite of all my Michael Frantic CDs and just by happenstance threw it in last night, without really knowing I needed it today. 

All morning I’ve been wandering from here to there doing life while I carefully plotted the words I would write in this post because we never really know where our emotions are at through all this, but these lyrics right here is really all I have to say about it. #faithrestored

Tight squeeze!

Ella

Advertisements
Posted in Uncategorized

Elliott in Kindergarten


If we have done anything right, the only remarkable thing you will be wearing to school on this first day of kindergarten is your confidence. Even though I may have thoroughly planned your first day outfit, and carefully selected a suitable backpack it’ll only be these years of character building that will matter when you walk through your schools double doors.

As you embark on this journey that will carry you through your more impressionable years I will be cheering you on to be your best – most authentic – self. 


Never trade in your individuality for some carbon copy of your peers. 

Never feel the desire to dull your inner sparkle that is after all our favorite part about you.

Never lose your sense of curiosity and continue to ask questions to gain better understanding.

I encourage you to share your creativity with your peers! I’ve witnessed first hand the magnitude of your imagination and know your talents will be endless.

Bravery is your most cherished attribute, and I know undoubtedly that you will persist outside of your introverted comfort zone, because you are also amazingly adventures despite those limitations.


You are a social butterfly, who has never shyed away from creating new friendships, be bold and befriend even the under dogs.

Smile and face each of those tougher days with grace and persistence, for they don’t last long. 


You are a fascinating human! And we are proud of you for waking each morning with a positive outlook on life and rising to the challenge of facing another day. Everything else you accomplish is simply a bonus!

I vow to take heed to your struggles, and be sensitive to your needs this first year you adapt to this new life. 

I vow to love you and protect you on this journey.

I vow to let go of my need to be in control and allow this village to help guide and protect you. 

I vow to never underestimate how precious your mind is, and to fill it with positive thoughts and encouragement especially in these days that you are feeling vulnerable.


You are full of greatness!

You are full of potential!

You have incredible determination!

You are (mostly) equipped with the tools to do this,

You will do this!!


You are kindness, and gentleness, and intention. 

You are you, and that is perfect! 

I am going to miss you! But I am more proud of you than you will ever know, and that fills my heart with excitement these first days! 

Go now, with my heart, and relish in all the joy and learning your school days have to offer. You will do great things! 

I love you!! 

Xoxo

Mama


Posted in Uncategorized

Ollie a preschooler!

This bright and Witty charmer is off on his first day of preschool. I will look forward to my brief half days alone, that is, as long as I don’t get phone calls saying he is swinging from the ceiling or giving classmates swirlies. 

You all laugh, but I truly wouldn’t put it past him. 

For real though, here are all the reasons I know he won’t even flinch with this transition:

1. He’ll most definitely be the class clown 

2. He demands attention from the second he enters a room.

3. He has an infectious laugh

4. He is actually pretty brilliant already

5. He is rather thoughtful

6. He is a charmer

7. He is imaginative

8. He loves structured activities

9. He is a story teller.

….

Or I could be getting those daily phone calls that he has repainted the walls with glue, or peed on a classmate.

At least he has that infectious smile to get us all through!!

The very best to you for these preschool days, our little Ollie-pop!


Tight squeeze!!!

Ella

Posted in Uncategorized

Seven years! 

Seven years married. 

11 years of togetherness.

Three addresses.

Two pups.

Two babes.

Countless loss.

Many blessings.

Seven whole years!!

Just like all of the material things we’ve collected over the years, so too has our marriage collected baggage.

The good, the bad, the ugly.

Laughter.

Tears.

The times we thought about leaving, but didn’t.

Seven years of waking up with a (mostly) greatful heart.

Seven years of occasional nights in separate beds.

Arguments that settled easily.
Arguments that temporarily broke us. 

Marriage is freakin’ tough!

But we overcame adversity.

We ignored temptations.

In a world where we obsess over divorce rates and trading up for bigger, better, brighter. We live obliviously in our own humble togetherness. 

I’m in love with us!

In our perfectly imperfect.

Dedicated.

Devote. 

Consciously coupled. 

Where struggles make us stronger, And heartbreak makes us fight harder. 

Seven trying years!

Seven happy years!!

You are my better half! 

I don’t mean that in the sarcastic tone of modern day translation… but in the way it was first written by the Roman poet, Horace, who wrote that to be a better half meant that you are more than one half of me. – “Half of my soul” 

Thank you for always understanding the intention of our vows. 

Thank you for being my reason to change, grow, and adapt. 

Thank you for always understanding that marriage is hard and diving into the tough stuff head first instead of running away.

I’m thankful that seven years ago the aisle had you at the end! 

I’m glad I never stopped walking toward you since then! 

Happy Anniversary to half of my Soul! 

Xoxo

Posted in Uncategorized

It takes 2… um… wait!


If you’ve been following our journey closely you’re probably wondering where we are at. I’ve been approached by a number of you to check in – and well – this is as good a place as any to lay it all out there. 

2 years trying to conceive.

8 Fertility Cycles.

2 chemical pregnancies.

1 blighted Ovum.

1 surgery.

4 broken hearts… over-and-over.

And that is all just wishing and waiting for baby número trois.

We don’t know if this is even in the cards for us, but alas, we have been fighting the good fight all this time now. 

Just the other day, Elliott informed me that he was going to take me out and buy me new medicine that will put a baby in my belly. Well, his wish may just come true – someday soon.

As it stands now, we are headed into the big wide world of Science for this belly bean.

We will both be undergoing a series of testing this month – fertility, motility, genetic compatibility, as well as a specialized ultrasound diagnostic for me. 

Then, if all is well we will be moving forward with IUI and IVF consecutively. 

So with a little love, a little faith, and a little science maybe this will be our new beginning! 

Tight squeeze

Ella

Posted in Elliott, Oliver, Uncategorized

Mama Life Mastered

Another apology ahead; I have found myself slipping away from the blogging world because, well, not to toot my own horn or anything, but I’ve been totally rocking this mom thing.

My house has had a pretty substantial deep clean over the last few weeks, my boys and I have been active and enjoying the sweet summer sun, and overall, I think I finally have some semblance of a rhythm going on in this crazy life.

When it comes to activities, it can be daunting to think up creative ways to keep the kids interested without always dropping a C-note on overpriced theme park tickets, and museum tours. Lucky for me my boys are dirt worshipers and anything that requires shoeless feet and muddy hands keep them entertained all summer long.

My camera, which I thought needed some major TLC is miraculously healed, and we’ve been busy trekking it around our neighborhood for some good old fashioned local fun. My three year olds mind was completely blown when he realized I wasn’t just telling stories and our seven year old Lab, Sophie, does actually love swimming. Honestly, if you could have witnessed his amusement in that moment, your heart would have melted too.

Needless to say our adventures have left me speechless, unable to record in this journal my thoughts, because I have just been completely lost in my boys, and my family.

Just when I thought I couldn’t keep up the excitement while revisiting the same beaches and parks over-and-over, I came up with the brilliant idea of collecting rocks, that we would later paint on gloomy days – SERIOUSLY BRILLIANT – this same routine stop became a whole new adventure with a completely new agenda. Also, throwing rocks into the water is a favorite pastime for these two.

As they are growing bigger they are becoming daring and confident. Watching as they brave new playground feats is the source of all this mamas pride, oh and their outgoing social skills as they make friends (clearly a trait they inherit from their father) has me getting all wobbly in the knees!

On the ol’ Homestead, we’ve got things rocking there too, squeezing in time for all the chores when there is just too much house to handle has been a serious thorn in my side, but making it a priority once in a while, making no excuses on cleaning day, and rocking a killer soundtrack has got me owning it. It feels “So fresh and so clean, clean” (I dare you not to sing that!)

 

 

While, I’m out now, I have some finger prints that need some windex, and a quick park date to arrange.

Tight Squeeze!

Ella

Posted in Uncategorized

The least used Phrase

  
Sometime between now and my last post, my boys grew taller and wiser, and their vocabularies expanded beyond imagination. Now when asking for sustenance they ask for the nourishment they actually desire, so instead of references to “Apple tea” I get more specific requests for milk, water, tea, or juice, gone now are the days my boys will ask for “apple tea” whenever they want something to drink. 😞

Our experiences with our growing children truly are short-lived, it’s so utterly important to soak it all in while you can.

Tight squeeze!

Ella