This one is for you, Shane.
While we ride the speedboat of life through these sometimes turbulent lakes and those fuzzy shorelines – we call our lives – whizz by, I’ve been watching you.
I see you! I haven’t forgotten the slower journeys we used to take together. Quieter ones – on sailboats and canoes – with less ‘noise’ distracting us from really hearing, knowing, and feeling each other.
I think about that- often.
And I’m sure that you do too.
We aren’t the only ones on that boat anymore, and sometimes – while you’re busy guiding the watercraft in the right direction – I’m standing lookout for hazards, or donning life jackets and applying the sunscreen. Our minds always wandering elsewhere to maintain safety and order aboard.
But our love always remains the same – The anchor of it all.
I wanted you to know that I’m still here – as true as I’ve ever been – that carefree girl that climbed aboard with you some eleven years ago, she’s inside me somewhere. And I know you are still in there too.
For now, I stand and observe, for this new man I see has qualities that keeps me curious.
I can’t take my eyes off of you!
I notice you; as you sit at the dinner table casting smitten glances at our children.
I notice you; as you mow the lawn unfazed by the two small shadows following behind.
I notice you; in the grocery store line-up as you crunch numbers to stretch our budget into our tomorrows.
I notice you; and the way your exhausted body hits the bed at the end of the day.
I notice you; and the way the lines of your face have been changed by our life, morphing your youth into aged wisdom.
I notice you; as you prioritize instilling love and compassion with just a subtle hint of silly into the character of our boys.
I notice you; as you take a mental note of my ‘DIY wish list’ and run how-tos through your mind.
I notice you; as you tread lightly around my many emotional states, and respond with just the right amount of softness I need.
I notice you; as you doubt yourself, wondering if you are doing everything you can for our family (I assure you, you are!)
I notice you; as you wake well before the crack of dawn committing yourself to the duties required to keep our family afloat.
I notice you; as you shower away those signs of trauma, turmoil, and pain so you can keep on going for us.
I notice you; and how your love has deepened so I can still feel ignited when you hold my hand even after everything has been poured out of you each day.
I notice you; In our boys and the way they live, laugh and love with every fiber they posses.
I notice you; and the ‘potential’ you have to grow into the man our boys need years from now in their youth when these times are so much different than our own.
You probably thought I don’t notice you anymore, but I do! I am watching you and waiting for the days we can have to ourselves again – You are my end game! You were my beginning, and when these children are finally reared – you will be my ending!
I notice you, and I thank you!!
I love you! This new you, the old you, the not so perfect you that you think you are! It is all the same to me and I look forward to reuniting with you each new day.