Posted in Family, Infertility, Mental Health

Embracing the Journey

I swear every time I come here to write I have months of unwritten stories I had intended to share but never got around to penning it. Life has a way of swooping in, even in the mundane, and whisking away time like it never existed in the first place. But we know it did, we have memories and snapshots of those lost times, nostalgic sights, tastes and sounds that bring back #allthefeels. We have all been there, particularly so if your children are young enough to still ask you to wipe their bottoms.

Here is where we have been at.

 


I will be coining this stage of our journey #infertilenotfertile (a play on the popular phrase Sorry-not-sorry) so basically you get the point. No buns in the oven, no cat in the cradle, no bat in the cave, no pea in the pod… It just isn’t our damn time. Of course with April rolling around it is one massive billboard for our current “knocked down” status, and then with the abundance of friends that miraculously have stork mail coming their way in the months surrounding April, well it burns a little deeper.

Surprisingly, it hasn’t been too difficult to venture through- this second time around. I suppose it could be because my marriage needed this realism to bring us out of our pride and entitlement we’d been battling recently, or that maybe my (still young) children needed me more than I thought – also the reason time is slipping away at a record pace, and lastly, it could be because although #3 (and maybe #4)  are in our family plans after everything we’ve been through, I’ve climbed back on the fence over the whole thing. This month marked my eighth round of fertility treatment. We are nearly at the stage where  taking the next step is imminent, you know… where baby making takes a whole lot more than two to tango.

Aside from that, the boys are changing – everyday something new. Elliott has been attending a local pre-school learning and growing, and gaining intelligence beyond his years. He is still rooting for a new baby for the family, of course (mamas influence) and takes excellent care of his younger sib. He is rocking his balance bike, and refuses to move on from it actually. His current interests include robots, superheros, dinosaurs, racecars. and monsters, in fact, he imagines colorful scenarios where he, ‘Elliott-robot-batman’, saves mama from a house monster. He discovered Petes Dragon recently and is completely enamored with his name sake dragon. Elliott has been preparing new ‘big-boy school’ that begins in September, in fact, just this morning we discussed his potential new backpack options. Much to mamas dismay apparently Spider-Man is all the rage with the young boys.

Oliver, well, he is a tornado of personality wrapped up in a cloak of charm. He is one serious cuddler, and still drags his little lovey (yes we rotate about a dozen of them) everywhere he goes. We’ve nick named him Dennis (as in the menace) because he is innovative and daring and always manages to get himself knee deep in some sort of catastrophe (again another contributor to our rapid time warp). He says pretty much everything, and he loves to read, sing, and dance with hilarious candor I might add. He shares all the same interested as big bro because, well, peer pressure. He has just started riding his own balance bike, and despite resisting the movement, he is mastering it like a pro. Now that I think of it, he protests pretty much any new idea or suggestion unless it’s his own. 

 

 

No matter their differences, they are a solid brotherhood. Their love and excitement for each other is endless, and I couldn’t be more proud!

Tight squeeze!

Ella

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